Hey Singles…Save $19.99 a month!

February 5th, 2010 by Jillian

Would you prefer to save at least $19.99  a month for sites like match.com or eHarmony? Would you like to not to pay $35 for a speed-dating event? Me too. In fact, I have surrounded myself with people who have HUGE networks, and when I was ready to start dating again, I asked to tap their networks. For free.

There was one woman in our singles program who offered me the chance to glance through her 700 “friends” on facebook and see who I liked, and she would make the connection. Yet another woman in my singles program ran through over 200 phone numbers in her cell phone and start texting men she thought would be a good match for me! Wouldn’t you know that 2 responded within 5 minutes, and I was talking to them over the phone withint 24 hours, and face to face within 1 week? With eHarmony, it took me about 2-3 weeks to get to the point of verbally agreeing (over the internet) to talk over the phone to decide if we wanted to meet face to face. Don’t get me wrong, online dating sites are wonderful ways to generate dating activity, but there are other options that are more cost and energy effective.

Singles, don’t worry about meeting the perfect guy or gal- just agree to go out on a date. A date is not a wedding proposal, or even an expensive and long evening; rather it is a chance to get to know someone, a chance to practice being genuine with another human, having a nourishing encounter, and then deciding if you want to have date #2, #3, and so on. Just like in sales, dating toward a committed relationship is a numbers game, the more dates you have, the more likely you are to encounter someone who is a phenomenal match for you.

Once you’re actively dating and actively making the same mistakes you’ve made in the past, listen to Dr. Bob Wright talk about how our brains guide our attachment to our partners, and how we can break the pattern of thos same mistakes. Use the code “singlefan” for a discount! http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?sctoken=b820c6c5b20947a29dd098613cb89f72&mid=69FE37A8-142B-4864-A8C9-9F149A487A29&bhcp=1

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How Powerful are You?

January 29th, 2010 by Angela

Drs. Bob and Judith Wright are leading the Personal Power Weekend for the Year of MORE program this weekend. I was thinking about how personal power and transformation are connected. I get so caught up sometimes that transformation is about fixing something or changing it. I realize most of the time there really isn’t anything to fix. Transformation is about learning and growing. It is about being in the moment and responding to this moment- not some past moment. I am discovering it is about exercising my personal power.

They teach that power is the ability to do work. I get a lot of things done. Thus, I would say I exercise a lot of personal power. However, I was beginning to realize that I have way more power that can be utilized and harnessed. I have the ability to scan a situation, hear what is being said, realize where the integrity outs are, the excuses, etc. fairly quickly. When I am present I see a world of possibilities. However, my ability to assert myself often comes with a tone in my voice, condescension to the other person or something else. So, my perspective doesn’t get heard or valued even though the data I am offering is accurate in the moment. I don’t have personal power in those situations and there are costs of various kinds- money, time, reputation, etc.

I am becoming more aware of how I say things and asking for feedback from my peers to support me in transforming and using my power more effectively. Where have you not been effective in personal power and how have you learned?

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Do you talk to the person next to you on the plane?

January 28th, 2010 by Barb

I usually don’t. Yesterday I did. For 3 hours straight.

I led a workshop in San Antonio and was flying back to Chicago. On a plane-especially after a training-I usually look forward to burying myself in a book…or sleeping…or getting caught up on emails…or……

…anything except for talking to the person next to me. My old excuses were “I’m tired,” “It’s not productive,” or “They don’t look like someone I want to know.”

The truth was – I was afraid.

I’m comfortable in front of a room of 100 people doing a presentation but having a one-on-one conversation – that’s another story.

Don’t get me wrong. I know how to make conversation, connect with people, be sociable. But when I did it I was pretty superficial and being fake was pretty draining. So – I didn’t do it.

Over the last couple of years I’ve been working on being more genuine. And this year – I’ve really decided that to achieve the things I want in life – I not only want to learn these skills – I want to be great at them.

The motivator came for me when Dr. Judith Wright was sharing research from several books talk about how real success is not about innate talent but a learned skill that comes from putting in dedicated practice.

So…I’m practicing! I’m practicing making eye contact more, asking people how they are doing, starting conversations, being real with people when I talk, disagreeing when I disagree…and seeing where it goes.

I didn’t decide to talk have a 3 hour conversation on the plane. I just decided to be real and share myself and ask questions.

My seatmate and I talked about everything from his business in the biotech arena to career skills to parenting to hunting and even dog training! (My only pet is a fish)

It was a blast. I got back to the office after my flight and two co-workers said how good I looked – that I didn’t look like I had just flown in that morning. I gave the credit to my practice – to the 3 hour genuine conversation. More nourishing than a nap and leaves you looking better than a facial!

Now I’m looking forward to my next “practice.”

Have a good plane ride experience? I’d love to hear about it.

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Looking for a Job is a Job

January 21st, 2010 by Angela

I remember when I heard Dr. Bob Wright say that when you are out of work, looking for work is your full time job. I was coaching a woman who had lost her job. She was beginning to think that being a homemaker might be what she wanted. I knew she was lying to herself and she was denying her feelings. She was scared. We talked about it and while staying at home could be okay- it wasn’t for her. She had a lot of talents and resources that weren’t being utilized. Once she got through her feelings she started taking in and using the concepts Dr. Bob Wright stated.

Some of his tips are these:

1. Get up  every morning as if you are going to work.                                          

2. Get dressed as if you are going to work so you are ready at any given moment to go to an interview, event etc.

3. Spend at least 8 hours a day in a job search process

4. Create accountability, how many dials will you make in a day, how many resumes will you send, how many meetings will you have etc.

5. Empower others, a coach or a group to help hold you accountable.

6. Use linked in and facebook to let people know what you are looking for

7. Be active- go to events, talk to people, help others.

If you are out of work and looking for a job, check out the Wright Leadership Institute’s career lab. for more information email contact@wrightlearning.com

Angela Calkins

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Why do we have to keep hurting each other and feel hurt?

January 21st, 2010 by Angela

I think the real questions are “how do we deal with being hurt” and “when we are hurt how we express it responsibly”. I realize we feel hurt all the time every day by people we know and even by people we don’t know well. We just choose to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t hurt, deny it, or we stuff ourselves with food, smoke a cigarette, hurt someone else, kick the dog or some other soft addiction.

I remember Drs. Bob and Judith Wright teaching their feelings curriculum and the importance of hurt and understanding it, experiencing it. They talked about any feeling that you don’t allow yourself to experience or feel will impact how much you can experience other feelings like joy. So, if I mute hurt, I won’t have the full range of joy available to me as well.

I remember at one of Judith’s trainings that if you were going to open yourself up to love, you had to open yourself up to being hurt because they go together. I started to understand that as I allowed myself to feel. As I let people really matter to me and the impact they had on me- I began to realize and feel all the big and little hurts that happen. Some may call them silly but simple things like someone not calling back, not looking at me when I talk, someone not saying hi to me- all hurt. I have experienced bigger hurts when I have lost people who matter to me. I look at these situations and go- why wouldn’t I want to feel hurt? Hurt is a good thing because it means I cared or something or someone mattered to me. Aren’t those all good things so why does hurt get such a bad rap?

I was coaching several clients of mine who were participating in leadership program as facilitators of small groups. I started thinking about the importance of being hurt and mattering. I coached them to have a contest on who of them would have the most hurts. They looked at me like I was insane and why would I want to do that. I told them let’s do it and compare what we learn at the end of the day.

At the end of the day, we all learned and grew a lot. They had experienced a lot of hurts. By doing the contest, they stayed more conscious of feeling hurt, felt it and let it go rather than letting it build. They realized that in order to experience hurt that first they had to let the other person matter or the situation matter which made them lead more effectively. They learned they had to be engaged in life and risk more which also lead to them being more potent and impactful as a leader. They also discovered that when they got really angry at someone, they were able to realize there was an earlier hurt they didn’t deal with it. So, I say, go and feel hurt today and deal with it responsibly!

In what ways have you experienced hurt today?

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Active Parenting Pays Off…

January 20th, 2010 by Gertrude

I recently taught a six week class called Active Parenting. It is a really solid class based on the theories and principals of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. There is a lot to the class around encouraging your children and creating family fun, but the meat of the course digs into discipline from the perspective of choices and logical consequences. When applied consistently (and consistency is key) these principals allow you to enjoy your parenting beyond anything you imagined – truly. I have many stories I can share about how this has allowed our family to thrive, but most recently my 11 year-old daughter said something that brought the point home.

I was at the office and she was home from school. She asked what I was doing and I said I was on-line looking for a new sitter as ours just went back to college. She chimed right in and said, “Make sure she is young, and fun and smart.” Then she added on, “Oh, and someone who is “firm.” You know, not a pushover, but someone who will hold boundaries well.” I was really heartened by her saying that because she was telling me how important and I will say, safe, she feels having clear limits and boundaries.

(I am running Active Parenting again starting next week, Jan 28th. If you would like to join us email me at Gertrude@wrightlearning.com) WLI_APT_120909

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Sex or the Cell Phone

January 18th, 2010 by Jillian

I just recalled an article I read in Chicago’s Red Eye newspaper last year. This article announced that 30% of Chicagoans would prefer to give up sex for a year rather than their cell phones.

Wait, huh? 30% of Chicagoans would prefer to give up sex for a year rather than their cell phones! At first I thought, wow, that’s nuts!!  But then I though, maybe I would do that, too. My blackberry seems so essential…I schedule all my appointments on it, I have all my phone numbers, I can be efficient and make calls while I’m taking the bus to work, and I can check my email and respond to messages! It’s how I stay in touch, and right now that seems more important than sex, so maybe I do agree with those 30% of Chicagoans.

Even if we take the choice of sex out of the picture, I know that I am addicted to my cell phone, even though it is incredibly useful and helps me live more efficiently. I know this because there are times when I am looking down at my cell phone every couple minutes to see if I have a message EVEN WHEN I am in the middle of something else.

Dr. Judith Wright defines a soft addiction as a seemingly harmless habit that when overdone robs us of time, energy and money. Well, that is true. Checking my blackberry is not harmful as running out into the middle of the street in front of a car, but, if I were to add up the seconds spent compulsively checking, and the anxiety it creates, it is definitely not something I want and does feel like it does harm to my well-being. I have taken steps to identify what I’m feeling and what I’m really needing when I want to check my phone. Dr. Judith Wright calls these the underlying feelings or “hungers’ that drive us to  do these compulsive habits. Sometimes I’m looking to make sure that I’m loved (see if someone I care about has called me), and sometimes it’s just my wanting to mattter, to get my work done so efficiently that I will feel valuable. I know there are the other reasons that lie within the chemicals releasing in my brain that keep me addicted, but it’s easier to change these patterns once you identify the deeper feeling or “hunger”.

What do you think?

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The Power of Silence

January 13th, 2010 by Angela

Typically, I wouldn’t have thought of silence as being powerful attribute that could be used in a positive way. I remember getting the silent treatment as a child and that felt punishing. I thought of silence as a negative quality. Silence seemed to be a management technique, a way to keep you quiet and keep you down. It wasn’t until participating in a women’s organization called SOFIA (Society of Femininity in Action) founded by Dr. Judith Wright that I began to see the power of silence in a whole different light.

Silence is a feminine quality. When used appropriately, it is a powerfully positive influence. One example that comes to mind for me is the guard at the Unknown soldier’s tomb. The guard stands there in silence, in reverence, holding space. It is moving and inspiring. I have watched women stand in silence in the back of a room supporting the leader in the front of the room. I believe the say prayers, protect the space and add positive energy. They are many examples that go unnoticed.

In the movie Beyond Rangoon- there is a powerful moment where Aung San Suu Kyi remains silence, holds eye contact and walks through a line of militia aimed to shoot her and they tremble. That scene brings tears to my eyes and chills to my bone. She is clearly a stand for the power of silence which as I am learning can be taken for granted.

What do you think about the power of silence? In what ways have you used silence for positive reasons and when have you used it to be hurtful or communicate negatively?

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Crunchies or no crunchies, that is the question! – a parenting crash course

January 13th, 2010 by Barb

Our one year old son loves crunchies (crackers, puffs, whatever you call them). He has learned how to use sign language to ask for them and when he’s looking for a snack, that’s what he wants. He shoves them in his mouth four or five at a time – a bit of an infant feeding frenzy. The crunchies are like baby crack to him – or so I had been obsessing.

As a new parent, I have to find something to focus on, so this has been my on again/off again silent worry. Does he already have eating issues? After all, I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. Plus I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with him – what if I’ve already corrupted his relationship with food before he has even hit two years old! I’ve traditionally been a staunch carbohydrate addict myself – loving to pull my chair up to a table of potatoes and breadstuffs of any form. Did I pass this on already?

So it’s easy, even at the age of one year, to put all of my food anxiety and food history directly on my child.

But in reality, that’s what it is. My issue – not his. In addition to crackers, my son loves all kinds of foods—fruits and vegetables and meats. He delights in sweet potatoes, green beans, eggs, and even seaweed. He’ll just as readily eat a vegetarian Ethiopian meal off my plate as a pizza. And he doesn’t overeat. In fact, he’s consistently in the 35th percentile for weight.

This is my job as a parent – reclaim my own issues, challenges, feelings, and projections and continue to work on them myself. It’s a huge lesson I’ve learned from my personal growth training at the Wright Leadership Institute. Of course, it doesn’t mean I neglect my son’s diet or don’t pay attention when something’s not working with him. But mainly, my job is to raise myself – and to use my parenting as a mirror for my next piece of growth work.

Won’t it be fun to find out what I learn from my next obsession!

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Executives are people too!

January 13th, 2010 by Gertrude

I just returned from a 10 day pilgrimage to sacred places in Northern India lead by Drs. Judith and Bob Wright. My husband and I made a decision that we would dedicate time each year to focus on our mission and how spirituality works in our lives. This was our 17th pilgrimage and after the 5th it really started sinking in that while people around the world may worship differently we are really all just on different buses going to the same place. Then something struck me particularly on this pilgrimage as we met with gurus and masters and that is that no matter what our title is or what we have accomplished we are all human. We are all made of the same stuff. We all have feelings. And we all have capacities that we can choose to use or not use. To me what is important about this realization is that I have no business judging people, comparing or playing one up or down to anyone at any level of an organization – from a clerk to a CEO. If I can stay open to see the humanness in each person I come in contact with I will be a better employee and better leader.

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