I love blaming people for the state of my relationships. It’s really more fun that way – I get to be chronically dissatisfied and self-righteous, and they get to be mired in victimhood and hopelessless. And I always pick the ones that are a perfect match for me too. Not the solid, assertive types, but the withholding, passive-aggressive types. For most of my life, I thought I just had bad taste in people, or just had really bad luck. But that didn’t explain the family I was born into. Bad luck, one might think? I don’t think so.

After picking the same type of people – friends and boyfriends – repeatedly for many years, and blaming them for the state of our relationships, I finally figured out what the REAL problem was. I had attachment issues! Through my education and relationship training at the Wright Leadership Institute, which includes neuroscience and family systems education, I was able to understand how my attachment to my primary caregivers foreshadowed my attachment to every person in my life, and how secure I felt in the world. In other words, I tended to attract and be attracted to people who were like my mother or my father. AAARRRGGGHHHH!
With this training and understanding I have been able develop new perspectives on myself in relationships and identify what works and doesn’t work for me. I am developing more fulfilling and satisfying relationships as a result.

How is YOUR attachment pattern impacting your relationships?

If you want to read more about how having a secure attachment can impact your life, check out the book: A Secure Base, by John Bowlby.

Tags: attachment, boyfriends, education, family systems, friends, Leadership, neuroscience, Relationships, Wright

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 12:54 pm and is filed under Leading a Great Life, Personal Growth, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.