As the program director of the Singles Program at the Wright Leadership Institute, I was fascinated to come across Malcolm Gladwell’s best-selling book from 2005 “Blink”, in particular his chapter on how we make snap judgments.  He wrote about how singles attending speed-dating events state their absolute must-haves for selecting a match, yet typically select partners not based on any of those criteria. Even more interesting, they change their absolute must-haves directly after selecting their matches to suit that match, only to change it back to their original criteria months after they’ve stopping dating that match.

Confusing? Yes. Does this mean that we shouldn’t date with criteria in mind? Well, I don’t think so. I take this to mean that as singles, we should be aware that our unconscious minds run us despite how much we think we are consciously selecting our match. The more we know our unconscious processes, the better decisions we can make about dating.

The daters Gladwell wrote about stated their potential matches must have qualities such as “intelligence” and “sincerity”, which doesn’t really say much. I think that being as specific as we can about what our criteria are will help us to identify what it is we are really looking for and communicate that to our potential matches. What is “intelligence”? A high I.Q., an academic, someone who finishes cross-word puzzles, someone who can speak about current events? Being specific makes all the difference.

And, of course, it also helps to have allies in our lives to help remind us of the dating patterns we get into, and what we truly yearn for as we are dating.  To improve your dating life and learn about what it means to have a successful satisfying single life, check out Dr. Bob Wright at Young Professional Chicago’s event Tuesday May 25 at Chicago’s Met Club: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=117353791619108&index=1.